


Vilify Exile

by shuugeru (saltsy)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Kawanishi is done with their shit, M/M, Self-Reflection, Vignette
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-16
Updated: 2018-11-15
Packaged: 2019-08-24 08:58:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16636883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saltsy/pseuds/shuugeru
Summary: Things change all the time.Semi mourns, and Tendou pines.In conclusion, nothing changes too much.In which Tendou navigates through the muddy waters of their relationship, and leaves himself to decide the answer in the end.





	Vilify Exile

**Author's Note:**

> i specialize in sad stuff(tm)
> 
> hey yyy,,,,, my first haikyuu fic. im a huge sucker for this rarepair, but i really wanted to write them for a while now
> 
> as usual, hope you enjoy reading it as much as i did writing it <3333

They lose. Tendou expected as much.

He had sensed it from the very moment the match started that the outcome wouldn’t end in their favor. There was something distinctly heroic and protagonistic about Karasuno, something that said ‘we’re not here to lose, and we won’t lose’. Looking back on it, he’d accepted his fate with a crushed and emotionless heart, the adrenaline and anticipation rushing out of his system like a waterfall.

He almost collapsed on the court. Nobody is happy about it.

Shirabu refuses to look anyone except Ushijima in the eye for a full week. Kawanishi stops bringing his own lunch to school, Yamagata’s writing turns sloppy and his grades plummet like an anchor out to sea. Ushijima is stoic and nonchalant as ever, but it’s clear in his eyes that something has shifted. Reon, kind, sympathetic Reon even looks like he’s given up hope, rarely smiling and jumping in whenever the team gets too riled up.

But of course is Semi that he notices the most.

He starts showing up late to practice, starts making excuses to stay after practice. He starts growing distant, refusing any offer to hang out or study together, even with the rest of the third years. He’s usually rambunctious and comfortable around them, yet now he’s quieter, more irritable, and quiet.

It hurts a lot.

“You look like shit, Semisemi,” Tendou remarks one day. He sits beside him on the library stool, a rare moment in which Semi actually agreed to let him stay for one of his study sessions.

Semi’s shoulders stiffen, if only for a second. Then he’s flipping through the heavy textbook in front of him like nothing was ever said. “I didn’t realize you talked to mirrors, Tendou.”

Tendou immediately regrets what he says. He knows that despite Semi’s somewhat prickly way of speaking and equally prickly personality, Semi’s a very delicate person.

Tendou always regrets the things that he says to Semi. They range from “hey short stack how’s the weather down there” to “is that really your writing? Because it looks like somebody smeared a centipede all over your paper.” They’re snappy, teasing and quite frankly rude conversation starters to which Semi usually fires back something just as mean. It’s how their relationship works, it’s how it’s always worked. But with Semi being so unresponsive, it feels like everything has changed, and Tendou doesn’t know how to catch up.

“I didn’t mean that literally,” Tendou replies, tone audibly softer. He feels so awkward and out of line, sympathy wasn’t something he was familiar with. That was more of Reon’s thing.

“Sure,” Semi responds. Nothing else. The conversation is terminated just like that.

Usually, they bounce off of each other, yelling insults back and forth until Reon stops them from getting in trouble or Shirabu tells them to shut up. Tendou’s chest aches with something akin to sadness, and he slumps in his chair.

Semi doesn’t even look his way, eyes unfocused but scanning over the words on the textbook page. It hurts, and Tendou doesn’t even know why it does so much.

He gets up from his chair and steps away, feeling like he just hit a new low.

~

Tendou makes it early for practice, and he spends most of the free time lazing around the court and trying to do handstands against the wall. It’s about fifteen minutes into the practice that Semi finally shows up, the gymnasium door creaking open to announce his arrival. Tendou watches as Semi hurries to the changing rooms, head hung low.

Kawanishi is by his side in an instant.

“Why do you keep skirting around Semi-san.”

Tendou pokes Kawanishi on the cheek. “Tch, you call him Semi-san but you don’t call me Tendou-san? What kind of an underclassman are you?”

Kawanishi shrugs. “You didn’t answer my question.”

“I’m not skirting around him,” Tendou replies indignantly. “Since when was it your job to snoop around on other people, anyway?”

Kawanishi looks as indifferent as ever, taking a bite of his onigiri he purchased at the store. Somehow he decided that it would be cool to eat it only a few minutes before they did running drills, which, from Tendou’s experience, is never a good idea.

“Kind of hard for anyone to not notice,” Kawanishi states as-a-matter-of-factly. “You’re always hovering by him or annoying him in some way. But lately, you’re annoying me more than you do him, which is concerning. We haven’t swapped bodies, you know.”

Tendou can’t tell if he’s being insanely obvious or Kawanishi is just insanely observant. Probably a mixture of the two.

“Yeah well, he’s being an asshole, like, more than usual,” Tendou responds. Guilt instantly claws its way into his gut. He doesn’t mean to say that, he’s so used to saying rude things that don’t actually hold any bearing.

“Uh huh,”

“I’m being serious.” Tendou flicks Kawanishi on the forehead. Despite only being a second year, Kawanishi still manages to be a single centimeter taller than his senior. It kind of pisses Tendou off at times.

“You’re not talking to him because he’s an asshole?” Kawanishi asks. “Doesn’t that make you just as much of an asshole as him?”

“That logic doesn’t even work, Taichi,” Tendou retorts.

“Whatever you say.”

Tendou looks over, he sees Semi sitting alone by the benches, tying his shoes. His bangs hang over his head messily, not neatly parted like they used to be. From this angle, Tendou can still make out the slight hollowness in his cheeks and bags under his eyes. He looks horrible, to put it simply. Like a man deprived of food and sleep.

A part of Tendou’s mind faintly thinks that he’d give his own energy and stamina just to see Semi smile.

He quashes that part of his mind a minute later, and as if on instinct he walks over to Semi, sitting down beside him. There’s a comfortable space between them, Tendou giving Semi free will to escape if he wants to. Semi doesn’t move, just reaches into his duffel bag and pulls out a roll of bandages.

“You don’t look so good, Semisemi,” Tendou tries.

“I could say the same to you,” Semi replies gruffly. He doesn’t even spare Tendou a glance, beginning to wrap the bandages around his fingers and palm. Tendou catches a glimpse of his hands, they’re dry and cracked and covered with split skin, the warm red flesh peeking out before Semi covers them.

It hurts.

“I’m being serious, Semisemi,” Tendou says. There’s worry crawling up in his voice. Semi was undoubtedly overworking himself. He’d definitely been competitive, and always competitive. And yet Semi was a special breed, doing everything in his power to prove that he wasn’t worth nothing, that he belonged here. It’s all driven by his own volition, and Tendou agonizes over that fact day after day, even more so recently.

He’d been on the edge ever since the day he was demoted, pure and unadulterated betrayal and anger in his eyes as he bit his lip so hard Tendou saw blood. His eyes were misty a few minutes later, and Tendou noticed there was, without a doubt, fear flashing in his eyes. Fear of being replaced; fear of being alone; fear of being useless.

It hurts.

“Well stop being serious because you do a shit job at it,” Semi snaps back.

“Eita,” Tendou says, voice loud enough for Semi to hear. “What are you doing to your hands?”

Semi goes silent. He continues to wrap up his fingers, Tendou thinks Semi doesn’t catch the trembling in his movements, but he does.

“Eita?”

“It’s none of your business,” Semi declares as he rises from his seat. He doesn’t meet Tendou’s eyes, even though they’re searching, imploring.

Pleading.

Tendou doesn’t know what to say after that. Doesn’t know what to say because this has never been their whole gimmick. Semi never talked about his emotions, and in return, Tendou didn’t either. They poked fun at each other and pushed and shoved around and nothing more. This was teetering on undiscovered boundaries and Tendou didn’t know what to do.

When Semi walked away to the court with his fists clenched so tightly that his knuckles turned white, Tendou wanted to reach out and grab his wrist.

He wanted to tell him to stop worrying, that his existence meant so much, that there was nothing Semi could do that would make seem like less of a person, that he had talent and strength and courage. There were so many feelings, and Tendou had no idea where they came from. It wasn’t a mind-boggling epiphany, it was something that just arises occasionally whenever Tendou is around Semi. A sudden maelstrom of emotions that he doesn’t understand, but he feels with all of his heart.

Semi keeps walking further and further away, Tendou can see him greet the rest of the team members with lackluster enthusiasm. He bows to Ushijima, Reon, something does only when he feels guilty about something, and then disappears into the storage room, presumably to get a volleyball. Tendou finds that he can only watch, wide-eyed and dizzy as Semi moves around the gym, the urge to just pull him out of practice and reassure him that he's not inferior is overwhelming. And scary.

It's weird and it's odd, usually it goes away after a few minutes of lingering there. Today, however, Tendou feels the pang all throughout practice. It pains him, even more, when Semi shies away from his contact, always out of reach, always standing a little too far for him to talk to. He doesn't smile all throughout practice.

Coincidentally, Tendou doesn't either.

Kawanishi corners him right before they pack up and confronts him about it.

"Why were you so weird today," Kawanishi asks.

"You should ask Semi that," Tendou retorts, maybe a little too defensively. "He's acting like a total hermit, and he looks like he hasn't slept in five years."

Kawanishi raises an eyebrow. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah." Tendou licks his lips. He knows Kawanishi won't leave him alone until he spills something. The cunning, nosy brat. "He shouldn't have come to practice today looking like that. It worries the rest of the team, and he knows he can't perform well when he's tired or hungry or something in between. He should've stayed home and rested, he should have eaten lunch or even treated himself. I don't know, just like, ate at least something. He definitely got thinner, did you see his thighs? They're like breadless chicken strips. Do you think I should offer the rest of my lunch to him?"

Tendou doesn't realize he's ranting until Kawanishi's looking at him with a smug expression.

"Why don't you tell him that?" Kawanishi says simply.

Tendou opens his mouth to say something snappy, something intelligent, but finds that there aren't really any words or comebacks forming in his head. He closes it.

Kawanishi shrugs and walks out of the change rooms. "Just a suggestion." He calls before the door swings shut and Tendou stands there alone in his boxer briefs.

The gym is closing for the day, but Tendou can tell by the sound of the bang that resonates through the walls that Semi is still practicing. Alone, as usual. He gathers up his t-shirt for modesty, and slings his bag over his shoulder, walking out. He stops on the edge of the court, catching a glimpse of Semi's face scrunched in concentration as he lifts the ball up high and delivers a perfect float serve across the court. The ball lands with a hard thud, and Semi stumbles back, breathing labored and loud.

Tendou hesitates.

He thinks about what Kawanishi said.

Then he turns away like a coward and walks out of the gym.

~

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos appreciated ! i'll post on this account more often when i get the time.
> 
> cheers <3


End file.
